Britney Spears Jokes

Q:  How do you kill Britney?
A:  Buy her a gun as a present and say it’s a hair – dryer

Q: Why does Britney have TGIF written on her shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Britney was driving to Disneyland. After being in
the car for four hours she finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland "Left",
so she turned around and went home.

Q: Why does Britney always smile during lightning
storms?
A: She think her picture is being taken.

Q: Why can’t Britney dial 911?
A: She can’t find the 11 on the phone!

Q: How do you drown Britney?
A: Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you get a twinkle in a Britney’s eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q: What did Britney say when she saw the sign in
front of the YMCA?
A: "Look! They spelled MACY’S wrong!"


Q: What does a screen door and Britney Spears have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does Britney Spears and a beer bottle have
in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you get a Britney out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What do peroxide blonds (Britney) and black men
have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What’s Britney’s cheer?
A: " I’m Britney, I’m Britney, I’m B.R.I.T….ah, oh well.. I’m Britney, I’m Britney,
yea yea yea…"

Q: Why did Britney fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did Britney have tire tread marks on her
back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON’T WALK"

Q: Why did Britney keep a coat hanger in her back
seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did Britney tip-toe past the medicine
cabinet?
A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did Britney try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn’t Britney want a window seat on the
plane?
A: She’d just blow dried her hair and she didn’t want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the Britney get so excited after she
finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years

Q: How do you confuse Britney?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms

Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Q: What is Britney’s favorite brand of potato
chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What’s the quickest way to get into
Britney’s pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: What did Britney say when she looked into a box
of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: Why was Britney upset when she got her Driver’s
License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Why can’t Britney be a cattle rancher?
A: She can’t keep her calves together!

Q: What’s Britney’s favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: Why is Britney like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is Britney like railroad tracks?
A: Because she’s been laid all over the country.

Q: To Britney, what is long and hard?
A: 4th Grade

Q: Britney ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he
should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What did Britney do when she heard that 90% of
accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: Why is it okay for Britney to catch a cold?
A: She doesn’t have to worry about blowing her brains out

Q: What do you call Britney in a freezer?
A: A Frosted Flake.

Q:There’s a smart Britney, Santa Claus, and the
Easter Bunny standing on a sidewalk and all see a $5 bill on the street. Who picks it up?
A: None cuz none of them exist.

Q: Wanna know the secret to killing Britney?
A: Take off her headset cuz she’s listening to tape repeating "Breathe in, breathe
out…breathe in, breathe out."

Q: Where does Britney wash her hair?
A: In the sink cuz that’s where you wash your vegetables.

Q: If  Britney and Justin were to both jump off
a building, who would land first?
A: Justin cuz Britney would have to stop and ask for directions.

Q: What would you have if you were to put Britney
inside a bottle?
A: Fake Tan in A Bottle

Q: What’s an avantage of going somewhere with
Britney?
A: You can park in the handicapped spots!

Q: Britney is going to London on a plane; how can
you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her all seats going to London are in the middle row.

Britney: I was born in the U.S.
Friend: Oh really, what part?
Britney: All of me, silly.

Britney’s driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini.
She’s cruisin’ about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker
who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is
only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to
tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and
sees her on his butt, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a
wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little
closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the
process. Once again the trucker sees her on his butt, and this time motions for her to
pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of
chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs
her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside
it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He
walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is
done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied,
he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to Britney. When he gets there, to his
astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her,
"Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!" She is laughing
too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, "While you weren’t looking
I stepped out of the circle!"

Britney, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire
herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to
the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" Britney said,
"How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders
that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the
conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the
way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the
porch." A short time later, Britney came to the door to collect her money.
"You’re finished already?" he asked. "Yes," Britney answered,
"and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached
in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," Britney added, "that’s not a
Porch, it’s a Ferrari."

Britney goes to get her haircut. The hair stylist
cuts for about 30 minutes, hands Britney a mirror and asks, "How do you like
it?" Britney says, "It’s okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the
back?"

Q: What did Britney’s right leg say to her left?
A: "Between the two of us, we could make a lot of money.
OR
A: Nothing, they’ve never met.

Q: What do you call Britney behind a steering wheel?
A: An airbag

Q: What do Britney and the Bermuda triangle have in
common?
A: They’ve both swallowed a lot of seamen.

Q:What’s the difference between a rooster and
Britney?
A: A rooster says cock-le-dood-le-doo… Britney says any-cock-le-doo…

Britney and a friend were in an elevator. On their
way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got
on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on
the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The friend turns
to Britney and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders." Britney
then replies "That’s a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him
shoulders?"

hem. The friend turns
to Britney and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders." Britney
then replies "That’s a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him
shoulders?"