Hollywood Names

A young fellow walks into a talent agent’s office and says he wants to break into show-biz, so the agent says “O.K. kid show me what you do”. The kid tells some jokes, does a little soft shoe, sings a bit, does an acrobatic act with an ottoman, and is good enough to impress the agent.

“Great kid! Just great!” says the agent “I can do things for ya! I think I can get you a show on T.V.” (This was the early sixties.) “By the way, what’s your name?”

The young man, proud and excited,exclaims “Penis Van Lesbian”.

”’Scuse me?” questions the agent.

“My name is Penis Van Lesbian” again replies the young man.

“Hey I’m sorry kid, you’re gonna have to change your name, nobody is gonna hire you with a name like Penis Van Lesbian.”

Well the young man is crestfallen but steadfastly refuses to change his name, so he leaves to find another agent.

A few months later he returns to the same agent. “Hey kid! Good to see ya again!” says the agent, “Are ya still looking for work? Have ya changed your name?”

With his head hanging low the young man replies “Yes. Every agent in town turned me down because of my name, Penis Van Lesbian. So I’ve changed it”.

“Great kid, great! What’s your new name?”

“Dick Van Dyke.”