Cleaning Up Ship

Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one
night getting good and lit when one turned to
the other and said, “You know what gets me,
though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they’re
fine for the first few weeks, but on those
three-month trips at sea they start getting
pretty hard up. With all the whacking off going
on, it’s a wonder any work is getting done, and
it’s making a mess all over the ship. I don’t
know what to do!”


The other captain smiles knowingly at his
companion. “Oldest trick in the book. You take
the crew and divide them into two teams. Then
you buy about 50 barrels and put them on the
ship. You tell the crew that the team that
fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold.”


“Well that’s a great way to keep the ship clean,
but then I’m out a bag of gold every trip!”


“Not so,” replied the other captain. “After you
get back to port, take all the barrels together
and sell them to the wax factory to make into
candles. You make a tidy profit every time.”


The captain pondered this and the next day, he
took his friend’s advice and divided the crew,
bought a bunch of barrels, and set off to sea.
Before long, the crew took to the new system
and began filling barrel after barrel.
When they finally reached port, the captain
sold the barrels for a huge profit. ‘This is
great,’ thought the captain, ‘before long,
I’ll be able to buy a new boat!’


This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one
day, the ship happened back to that very first
port. Coming down the gangplank, the captain
was surprised to see the cops waiting for him.
As they slapped the cuffs on him, the captain
cried out, “What’s the meaning of this?!”


“You sick bastard,” replied the cop. “Remember
all those barrels you sold to the candle
factory last time you passed through town?”


“Sure,” said the captain. “What about ’em?!”


“Well, they made them into candles, sold them
to the convent, and now all the nuns are
pregnant!” the convent, and now all the nuns are

pregnant!"